entry also i love this website

ok this is where i write shit

25/07/26 00:13 Okk manchester was tooooo much today i can't even remember why I wanted to go. it was so mentally draining it actually felt like i was punishing myself atleast i'm home now and when i got back i went to sleep for many hours. i will need a week to recover my heart still feels like it's racing or my blood pressure feels high. i guess i like the idea of goin and in my imagination i don't struggle or think it will bbe much more managable than it is in reality. it's like i try to prove to myself i can cope with things most people can but in doing so it turns out quite the opposite. why would i go to a busy city on the train with my family when i can be at home with the cats? its silly. and the college thing was ok like they just gave out certificates and i went with my mum and vin(not his real name) i could tell was quuite anxious. my mums seriously thinking of applying for a job there and i can really imagine it. seeing her in that enviornment just felt like it made sense and she could make it better there like my first year. only one boy was there in my class the restwere the other classes but it was ok i'm glad i went and it was better than I expected although quite awkward. i overheard this guy in motor vehilcle (my mum did his pip like 2 years ago so i knew of him before he arrived but never spoke to him) he was saying to his friend he knows how to have a night out for cheap only spending £30 and got so drunk. to me that's kind of alot like i've been very drunk on much less money. but also vincent or my sister or her bf usually offer at some point (like rounds) and afew weeks ago our family friends friend was getting everyones drinks. But the boy who said the £30 thing is also overweight so he would likely need more to feel drunk. that was very random. I just looked at my phone and vincent asked if i'd like to facetime but that was 50 minutes ago he might be asleep now. he really is so sweet. when we first started going out i thought he was very laid back and confident but now we've been together almost two years i know he's actually quite an anxious person and don't struggle with various aspects of life.

27/07/26 2 am ish. so alot happened today but i also found out about something that makes me sad i need to let out my system. my dad and his gf broke up, i never met her he rarely ever mentioned her so i assumed it was a little thing u know but they were together afew months. i feel worried and sad. i know dad has a fear of being alone and we mostly live at my mums. what made it worse it its my sisters birthday and my mums bf left and was going to come back when my dad had left so they could avoid contact as it will take time i think for them to meet if they ever do its difficult. and i had to tell my dad her bf was coming and asked if they wanted to quickly meet and he said not yet. but then he told me and my sister about his gf and it made me feel so sad. i thought he looked sad when he came and it makes so much sense but me saying my mums bfi is on the way must have made him feel so much worse and i feel bad for mentioning it at all but i also didnt know. i love my dad so much and i can feel so sad i want to go to his house more and spend more time with him. if anyone ever reads this please pray my dad finds a happy, loving relationship. i feel very helpless but atleats on saturday (6days) me him and my brothers are going on holiday sowe will all share lots of joy then. i really really want him to meet a lovely woman i think if i had one wish that would be it. please please please please please. my parents have been sepoerated for 6 years now and theyve both had rekationships since then but my mum had a four year long one with a man who told my mum he loved her when they were still married so its justofied that my dad never liked that man.